Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
