If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
