perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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