I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
