I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
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