weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
