I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
