Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
