You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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