I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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