I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
