the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
that is very illegal...i love you.
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