you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
