Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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