Can Purell be used as lube?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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