whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
