He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
