One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
