It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
