so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
