can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize