I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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