To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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