used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
