we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Even my vagina gasped.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
