C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
honey bunches of taint.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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