listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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