We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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