I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
