"it" just moved
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
