I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
