Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
