"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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