Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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