my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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