I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
