Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize