Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
