It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
