the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
