Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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