Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
