Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
