90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
