swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
