we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
