i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
