And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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