You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
