Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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