You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
