he wants to bone in the snuggie
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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