so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This baby is an asshole
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my poor anus
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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