I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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