last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thank you for not boning my boss.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
