Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
