So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize