lets start a swedish sibling band together
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
