I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
