She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
