Don't make out with my wife yet
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The power of my boobs compel you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize