Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
