That's intense
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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