Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
