I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i think i have two assholes
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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