I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My dick has a subreddit
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
