No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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