Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
