No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
