you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
