I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
