I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So squirting runs in the family.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
