he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
