I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
