Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
