Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
