My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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