the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
