I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
