as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize