I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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