Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
