the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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