He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
