Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize