I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
