Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You're like the curious george of whores
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
