think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
