her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
