Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish you could order shots online.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
