If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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