So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
