I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
